“I can’t forget how my dad treats my mother,” Bridget screamed in her counseling session. “So how can I forgive him?”
“Why not take this situation one step at a time?” I asked the young woman.
Bridget raised her brows and said she didn’t understand.
I suggested she first walk through the truth of her father’s verbal and physical abuse of her mother and how much that hurt her.
Her eyes moistened with tears, and soon she sobbed. “He scared me. I hated all the commotion. Worst of all, Mom’s taken it for years.”
Bridget shook and cried again. She said that her dad also mistreats the kids. “I can’t stand his screaming, cursing, and temper tantrums.”
With a gentle tone, I explained that forgiveness is a process and takes time, especially when a person has been traumatized. Bridget nodded and leaned back in her chair.
“In the Bible, God tells us numerous times to forgive, but he never says, ‘Forgive and forget.’” I paused for Bridget to think about that. “If you forget, you may place yourself in a dangerous situation with your father and subject yourself to more abuse.”
At the end of the session, Bridget left with a journaling assignment and a Bible verse to meditate on and memorize.
Your circumstances may not be the same as Bridget’s, but you may also struggle with forgiveness. You may think you can’t forgive unless you forget.
Forgiveness won’t change the past. A healed memory doesn’t mean you develop amnesia about it.
Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.”
Dear God, help me understand forgiveness isn’t forgetting. Amen.
Application: What will you do this week to begin your process of forgiveness.
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Copyright by Yvonne Ortega, LPC, LSATP, CCDVC
All Rights Reserved. Used by Permission.
Yvonne is a Speaker, Author, Counselor, Cancer Survivor and
serves on the Board of Directors of Christians in Recovery.
She is the author of Finding Hope for Your Journey through Breast Cancer.
If you would like to have her speak for your organization or church, please contact her through
her website: http://YvonneOrtega.com